Cambion; Even if I didn't hate Lecea that much before, I can certainly say that I do now. What he did to Ciel, it makes me just so...angry. I remember showing Ciel my bottle of holy water once. He knew I wasn't going to cause him any harm, but he was still fearful nonetheless. I can only imagine how scared he must have been when Lecea attacked him with it. Ciel is strong, and I hardly ever see him show any fear, which is one of the reasons I look up to him so much, but to picture him in pain and terrified-.... Damn that child of his. He should consider himself very lucky that he has become immune to pain and holy items. So much would I love to sneak into his room at night while he sleeps. I'd look down on that pretty face of his that is so akin to that of his fathers; too bad that looks is the only thing they have in common. Ciel is a sweet loving person, whereas   Lecea is not. I'd pour the water over his face and watch as it scalds, burns and disfigures his features. At least then, his looks will reflect his personality. Lecea needs to be severely punished and as soon as I come up with a suitable form of punishment for him, I can guarantee I will take action.


Moving away from my anger... I woke up this morning with swollen eyes. I went ahead and followed through with what I said I was going to Jack; Jazz's twin brother, and save my crying until later. In all honesty, I thought that once I had started, I wouldn't stop. Again, I damn these human emotions. They never get any easier for me to adapt to. Keaira once said that the worst part of loving someone is losing them in the end, and the pain that follows after. It is that pain that makes me never want to fall in love, but can't help but wonder if that is what I am experiencing right now. I never felt this when Ansel, Aranis or Solange died. Sure, I may have been closer to Jazz then the rest of them, but I never thought losing someone would hurt this much.   That annoying nagging voice in the back of my head needs to go away. She was nothing more than a close friend, and that is what she only ever would have been, if she were still here. I did not 'love' her. It's impossible, for I am the vile heartlessness and I will never be able to love another. I do miss you, Jazz. I want you back. I'm sorry for betraying your trust.


'I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend but I always thought that I'd see you again.'