Denzel; Quite a lot has happened over the past few weeks or so for us. Bambi took me to Heaven, which seemed like a really lovely place that I would love to visit again, if it did not make me feel quite so ill and tired . If I do go again, I'd rather not say any prayers next time. Gen had a baby, which was nice. It's always kind of nice when someone has a baby. I don't  think Sophie stayed very nice, though. Not after she took Lucky from me and started to cut him up. You shouldn't do that to people, and now Lucky is scared of her. Aranis had said that he hadn't met Sophie yet, we went to see her the other day, and in her room was lots of dead animals and stuff. I wanted to be sick and cry at the same time. I wasn't, though. I think Aranis was a little upset too. I hope Sophie doesn't try and kill Dandelion. I got him for Aranis because he's one of my best friends.

Mummy and Aranis aren't just best friends anymore. Yesterday they both got me lots of pretty pink flowers to put in my room, and then they told me they were together. I don't really have a problem with this anymore,  provided they don't act any differently towards me. I don't want to say I am greedy, wanting both of their attention, but I love them both too much, and I really don't want them to start ignoring me and only pay attention to one another. I want them to stay together because I can see it makes them both very happy. I am pretty sure everyone knows that I really hate making anyone upset, so from now on, if I don't really like something that makes other people really happy, I will not say anything. Like if Mummy and Aranis are ever able to have children. Daddy and Elias did that, and it was all fine before, because Elias tried not to leave me out of things, but after he had Kitty and Levi, we haven't been as close and that upsets me. Nemo says I have an 'all or nothing' attitude to a lot of things. I'm under the impression this is not really a good thing, but he won't really explain it. 


Bambi came into my room the other day when I was with Caru and started saying that I was acting pregnant. I hadn't really thought of it like that, because I still haven't had sex since April, so there was no way I could be. Sebastian came in after Caru had left after a tiny argument, and he told me that I could be having a false pregnancy, instead of an actual one. I wish my body wouldn't do that. It's not fair. I don't want to feel like I am going to have a baby when I am not. Sebastian asked if I wanted to wait it out, and I told him no. If my hormones were acting up already, and if I went full term, and ended up going through a labour which resulted in nothing, I would feel even worse. You can't just go though nine months of pregnancy and not have the dire need to mother something after. I feel it would feel similar to having a miscarriage or something. I don't actually want more children for a while. I do hope this doesn't happen again.